I am "In Love " with my lady ...I would do anything to prove my love ...But just not everyday! She indirectly requires a Level of Perfection in my Less Than Perfect Human Functioning...On a daily basis. I wake up to a frown and an attitude...I have no idea what it is and most of the time ...I won't know unless I read her Facebook Posts.
She is usually upset about something that I've done ..It doesn't matter how long ago it may have happened. She is only concerned that It happened . If I have written a poem for another woman ,Whether It Be 2 years Before I knew Her Or Not, She requires that I write a poem for her...On The spot. No time to think about it...No motivation for Content...Just write..." because I am angry that you wrote this poem for your Bitch in 2010...so write one for me in 2014",She would usually say That.
I actually understand her point of view...But I'm very annoyed by her Logic. So I'm torn between writing and not writing most of the time.
Everyday Checklist:
1) Get Up Before Him and Read His Phone
2) Read His Blog ..even Though It's old ...I can find somethings to make me mad
3) accuse him of some shit ...To keep him on his toes
4) Criticize Him Once a day...to show him that I Love him Just as he is...lol
5) Give Him some Sex...To Make him forget the day and bask in The night
** Lol...I love my Girl...so here's a Poem for You
Recently I was on vacation in a Beautiful land of Gwinco...It's a mystical land of Pigs and An Indigenous Race of aborigines called "Assholians. The Assholians will give you guided tours through the land and they never stop their constant observations of you as you maneuver around the exclusive and remodeled 8x12 rooms with a private restroom and secure doors that lock behind you when they close but let's start with the beginning of the trip...They saw that I was lost and wanted to help me by escorting me to the resort in a very enthusiastic manner ...here's the Video....
Once I got There ...I met very nice people who shared stories and seemed very willing to embrace me and accept me as part of the group. One man in particular seemed to be a great listener ...he's in this next clip offering me his friendship ...
They even took us on a Bus Tour ...where I met a cool French Dude...who had an attitude at first but we became cool on the Helicopter ride...Check it out
That's a real U.N. moment right there ... I'm always willing to help my fellow man . However soon it was time to get leave and I was so very happy about my vacation that I dedicated a song to the Assholians as i left...They were a great tribe of people...so helpful and willing to serve ....here's to the Assholians Of Pig Nation...
Thank You for allowing me to share my Vacation Video with you and just to let you know how One Of A Kind you are as friends and an audience....I made one last video just to serenade you ...Thank You So Much...It's all love.
Anyone who knows me...know that I'm not a violent person ,Unless otherwise provoked (clears throat) and you know how much I love to be talked down to by People....Well over the weekend I had two very enlightening experiences involving two very different mindsets and people. On one side i may have overreacted and on the other one I may have under reacted. I'll let you be the judge....okay incident one happened at my movie shoot at a hotel in Warner Robbins ,Ga. Well we are shooting a scene in front of the bank ,when this dirty little dude walks over and says this to us...could one of you guys help me with this bag..it's pretty heavy ...we ignored him..He turned around and said .."hey man are yu gonna help me" in a tone..I went off of course and just to get this muhfucka off our set ..I helped him get his shit b4...I beat his ass. He tried to pay me and I told him to shove his money up his ass with a fork....He apologized 20 times before i walked away.
The very next day ...we are on a photo shoot in downtown ATL ...another group is out there as well taking photos and just minding our own business..when out of no where this Older white dude came over and started questioning the guys about a sign...His words to one brother..." don't fucking lie to me..were you filming my fucking sign" everyone was being smart and intelligent about it and basically ignoring this fool....well almost everybody. I AM NOT BUILT LIKE THEM!!! I went the fuck off on this fool...I went over and told him to get his fat, faggot ass in the truck before I beat his ass...he was talking and walking all the way to his truck...I know that I can't behave in such an aggressive manner in all situations , but I felt the need to act ...so I did....So this weeks KrackieTale belongs to me KrackieOne..for being so high strung over small minded people...Love!
I am outside playing Football with my son and then suddenly a dude walks up to us and starts yelling at the top of his lungs that My son needed to focus ...My words from earlier! he was throwing a fork into the grass and saying .."it's time to eat baby...it's time to eat!" I ignored him and my son didn't seem too afraid so i let it pass. i thought that my day couldn't get any worse , as far as dealing with the special wants...not special needs. This dude walks up to me with a can of Budweiser in his hand and asks to use my phone. I thought about it and i gave it to him...this kneegrow calls a girl and this is how the conversation must have gone based on his replies and responses.....
EXT. IN FRONT OF APARTMENTS - NIGHT
OSCAR(32)...his brain(5) walks up to ANTHONY(41) and request to use his phone
Anthony is reluctant but agrees to allow him to use the phone
Oscar dials a number ....
someone answers
OSCAR
Hey baby...
CHICK(V.O.)
hey what's up..
OSCAR
I want some pussy
CHICK(V.O.)
what?
OSCAR
I want some pussy baby
CHICK(V.O.)
don't yu talk to me that way !!
OSCAR
(apologetically)
I'm sorry baby...Hey...hey,..hey...hey
CHICK(V.O.)
what is it kneegrow?!
OSCAR
Can I come over?
CHICK(V.O.)
My Kid's are home...
OSCAR
I'll leave early in the morning..
now this shit went on for about 5 minutes back and forth...I became frustrated and annoyed by it and I asked him for my phone back. My Boy Will ...came out and said what i was already laughing about...He said, "Is that girl really gonna fuck you...that bitch is nasty?!" I almost ran 6 miles laughing so damn hard!! I Love when Krackie moments are hand delivered to me... The kicker to this story is that she actually called my phone back...asking me questions about who i was...Are You Fucking Serious....Don't Ever Call My Phone Again...lmao!!!
She was on the train and everyone knew it instantly..it was clear and evident
Everyone couldn't take their eyes off of her ...they were wondering about her scent
People were amazed by her and it continued stop after stop...on the Train
She had everyone's undivided attention ...but that was easy to explain
I never in life seen a woman Move the People for 7 or 8 stops on the line
To see her do it and not even smile nor entertain...was simply blowing my mind
I had to know why she moved the crowd ..with such grace and ease
So I went to where she was and I was immediately feeling a weakness in my Knees
It was unbelievable..it was an incredible and amazingly thing you had to be there to appreciate it
Because this lady on the Marta was making people move on the train...Because she smelled like hot Chitlin Shit
I have never in my Life smelled anything quite like this before...she also smelled like someone pissed on her clothes before they pushed her out of the door..I am not convinced like some people were trying to justify the reasons she smelled like Pig Intestines and Gopher piss...I am never convinced that any Human Being could ever smell like this...I laughed every time the train would stop and see people jumping off that car she was on ..as she sat there with her eyes closed looking like ...She wanted to just be left alone. I am not rhyming in this segment on purpose and I don't even know why I can't stop ..but if you would have smelled this Lady's ass...you would understand why my mouth would Drop... Her name is Penelope ...like the cat that Pepe le Pew used to chase around and could never catch...if Pepe caught this stankin ass woman..he would be killed by the smell of her powerfully funky Snatch...One thing for sure and another thing for certain...this woman needs a Doctor ...there is nothing she could do for that odor ..behind a shower curtain...
Funky ass Lady behind me on the Train..who lit up Marta with her most horrifying smell...I welcome you and your rotten ass into Krackie-Tales!
When i moved to Atlanta,Ga , in April,1995, I was always going to baseball games at Turner Field...Home Of The Atlanta Braves . I always saw this lady out front...a homeless lady and i will call her Miss Ida Mae, well because she looks like her name should be Ida Mae and in KrackieTales...I am The Kang Round Heah!!! Well back to my regularly scheduled Post ..already in progress. This lady had two legs in '95 and she was out front near the Blue Lot and racking up major cheez from the thousands of fans...Then in '96 she had one leg and even more fans were dropping money in her can and she seemed so sad at times however, it could have just been part of her hustle. I saw her maybe twice more that year and she was confined to a wheelchair by now and her can was always running over...she had lost both legs by the time i saw her again in 2001 and boy she was just simply as common at the games as Bobby Cox and Chipper Jones by now ..so fans had their dollars out to give to her when they stepped out of their cars. She was the parking lot face of Atlanta Braves Baseball...Miss Ida Mae ,the lady with no legs. Now , i saw miss Ida Mae downtown here recently and she was looking very healthy and still bumming money ,but she had moved her operation towards the GreyHound Bus Station on Forsythe St....But Here is The Shit that really grabbed my attention..Miss Ida Mae had no WheelChair and Two Goddamn Legs!! I started to ask that Big Funky ass Old Bag for my estimated 67.50 back , that i had given her over the years at Turner Field...but instead i will just place her in my archives within KrackieTales...So if you see a 5'5", 75 yr old woman ,with two teeth on the bottom and one on the top...don't give her a quarter..give her a dollar...She is an original Hustler...An O.G.= Old Grandma...and a member of Krackietales
I have not one single iota of Homophobia , i am afraid of The Police in certain situations at least; Like in the following situations...
1) When i am Being Black In A Black Neighborhood at night
2) When i am being Black ,while i drive home from work and may be the only car on the road...in A small town.
3) When i am being Black when a white lady screams Help in the distance and that 6'4" light-skinned brother with 15 tat's ,suddenly shrinks to a thick, short , dark-skinned w/no Tattoo's about 5'9" brother...all of a sudden
4) when i am being Black as the Hot Lamp comes on at Krispie-Kreme and cops are trying to beat me to the front of the line
5) When i am being black ...while i take my walks over here in the West End and a Cop is following me the entire time trying to coerce me to run so he can shot me in the back and sprinkle crack on me along with a gun
6) when i am being Black in a store and the door alarm goes off as i walk in and the cops are behind me ..and one of the cops is a rookie ,who hasn't shot his first Kneegrow yet
All of those reasons are valid and pretty scary and even though Racial-Profiling isn't a laughing matter...it's laughable by comparison to my new fear. last night i was coming home with my son Zairre and we were about to catch the train ...the machine was being a bitch and kept rejecting my card..so the Marta Cop came through the security gate and walked over real tough and in his freshly cleaned and pressed uniform. He came over and cleared his throat.........and in his most FEMININE voice ,he said, May i Help you Sir...he sounded as if he was singing it..i turned around and looked at my son ,whom at 9 yrs old ....he immediately laughed! I was now nervous because it's just me ,him , and my son and this Gay Policeman had a gun. I was afraid like a black girl getting pulled over late at night in the city and a cop walks up with his dick out...This wasn't cool! Now i had tried this card about 15 times with no success and i am frustrated , the gay cop says to me ...." Just reeelaaax and try it one more time"...so ,now he is standing like right beside me and i could have sworn he was grinding on my leg ,but of course that was my imagination and an enactment of my fear of being molested by the armed Homosexual policeman...so once he said relax and try it once more in his most melodic tone ..i swiped the card and wow...this shit worked! So now i have to turn to his smiling face and say thank you...instead i said " Wow , you must be a Lucky Charm" i believe that i inadvertently made a gay joke...Okay i am not Homophobic but ,i am definitely PoPoHomoPhobic..my latest Fear of The Cops..only in My City ...Gay Cop...you are now a permanent guest in my KrackieTales...and There's nothing wrong with that...HA!
Everyday Checklist:
